Showing posts with label Rape. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Rape. Show all posts

Friday, June 10, 2016

The Brock Turner Rape Case


The outrage this week over the sentencing of Brock Turner for the three counts of sexual assault he was convicted of in the recent Stanford rape case highlights the disconnect between what the public views as appropriate punishment for various crimes and how the legal system sentences. I will admit to sharing that outrage.

I don’t enjoy an online lynching, but I don’t feel sorry for this kid. At all. No matter what hook-up culture exists on college campuses today, no matter how much alcohol flows at parties or how sex is viewed by young people these days, choosing to rape an unconscious women behind a dumpster is the action of a predator. Brock Turner saw someone vulnerable and instead of choosing to help or even just pass on by, like the proverbial priest and Levite, he stripped her, took photographs of her breasts and texted them to his friends, then sexually assaulted her until he was stopped by two Swedish men who happened upon them.

I’ve previously written about the importance of girls staying safe and sober in order to avoid sexual assault. I stand by that opinion. Some people are dangerous. It’s a sad fact, but it’s true. No one else will be responsible for your safety, girls, so you have to be. It’s fine to have a designated driver or a responsible friend, but the only person who will prioritize your safety in these situations is yourself or people who genuinely care about your welfare like your family.

This isn’t, by the way, advice solely directed at women. I would also tell my son not to get blackout drunk at parties or put himself in close proximity to people who might hurt him. People do stupid things when they’re drunk that get them into trouble. They gamble large sums of money, they drive and have accidents, and they get into fights. Rape is not the only negative outcome of binge drinking. There are any number of them, and they can seriously derail your life.

In this case, I went further and I talked to my son about predatory behavior. I wanted to use Brock Turner as an example of someone I do not want him to ever emulate - not because Brock’s life has taken a sharp turn for the worse, not because he was caught and found guilty and will go to jail, but because it’s his responsibility, no matter how drunk, how sexually frustrated he is, or what is going on around him, to be a decent human being.

It’s harder these days, I know. We’ve got a real Lord of the Flies society thing going on. It’s not impossible, though. Brock is not an isolated case. He’s not representative of all or even the majority of people, men, or college students, but he’s not a token. He’s one of many predators who will hurt people when they get a chance and will fight being held accountable for it until the people who care about him go bankrupt. In other words, he’s a waste of oxygen. The world is not a better place because he exists.

I didn’t change all of those diapers and cook all of those meals so that my son can do the same. I expect him to earn his oxygen and not do stupid, selfish things when he’s a man, just as I would any daughter of mine.

Wednesday, September 17, 2014

Piece of Advice #115: Teach your girls not to rape

Originally, I was going to talk about hitting and physical violence among women since new evidence has shown that frequently, in roughly 40% of cases, men are the target of domestic violence. We are so programmed by our duplicitous media to regard women as victims, that younger generations cannot imagine such a high rate of abuse victims are men - except for young people who grew up in the households of abusive women. They can imagine all too well.

I've known a number of men personally who were perhaps not physically beaten by their wives or partners, but were subjected to endless psychological abuse, crazy, jealous, or controlling behavior. At least three of these men's wives took a blowtorch to their lives, and they barely survived. They were normal men whose lives were ruined when vicious women used the system against them for fun and profit.

Teach your girls not to be like that.

Start with the idea that they need to keep their hands them themselves. That just because they're cute and small, they don't get a free pass on hitting. It's not okay to hit a boy just because he's bigger or male. Then move up to the idea that "Want, take, have" is a philosophy suited to psychopaths not women, and certainly not ladies.

It's distressing to read all of the recent stories about adult women who have taken sexual advantage of the boys entrusted to them socially or professionally, like local teacher Jamila Williams who sexually molested two of her students. This is not an isolated incident. Women pedophiles are becoming more common. I'll forgive you if you haven't read more of the hundreds of these cases (h/t SOBL1). The media doesn't seem to think they are as interesting as priest pedophile cases. We are still getting thorough coverage of archived Catholic scandals in the national press, although female pedophile cases are much more of a trend now. Where there is little oversight, predators will roam, and schools apparently are great hunting grounds these days.

Some may say boys who are sexually molested by women must consent or sex cannot occur, but the fact remains that these boys are still minors. Their brains have not fully formed, and they cannot conceptualize the legal responsibilities they will have for their predators' children should these women become pregnant or what life with herpes (or antibiotic-resistant Gonorrhea) will be like. We shelter them from the responsibilities of voting and drinking because our society thinks they are unready. If it's wrong for a 30-year-old man to have consensual sex with a 15-year-old girl because one is adult and has adult understanding and the other is a child with inadequate experience, it's wrong for women to have sex with boys as well. Personally, I don't think we have the punishments right for these "consensual" sex cases, but I do agree that this isn't trivial stuff. I'm not raising my son to believe sex is like a handshake and matters just as little.

Then there are the truly crazy cases, like the one in Chicago where the nurse had sex with a medicated patient without his consent. It's fair to say that if on college campuses consensual sex must contractual, having sex with your drugged up patient is rape. You can't broker any kind of business if you can't count to 10.

For those confused about how women (and girls) should respect men's boundaries physically, psychologically, emotionally, sexually, and legally, remember: What's good for the goose is good for the gander.





Friday, November 12, 2010

Piece of Advice #78: Mothers, don't rely on the police to do the job of a father

There have been (at least) two cases in Michigan in the last few weeks involving young girls who died tragically after having had sex with older men.  Most recently Samantha Kelly of Huron Township committed suicide.  Samantha's case is complex; she was 14 years old and apparently had consensual sex with Joseph Tarnopolski, a boy who lived a few houses down from hers.  Tarnopolski was 18 and a senior at the high school Samantha attended.  The two were friendly, Samantha was, according to initial testimony she gave police and texts she sent, anxious to lose her virginity, and they had sex while his parents were out.  Apparently it wasn't that great or things went badly afterward because she told her mother about it, and her mother (featured below) went to the police and had "rape" charges brought against Tarnopolski.  To be more precise the police charged him with Third Degree Criminal Sexual Conduct which broken down is penetrative sex with a minor aged 13, 14, or 15.  It carries a possible sentence of 15 years in prison.

Yes, that's right: 15 years in prison.

About three weeks later on October 18th Samantha and June Justice, her mother, gave an interview to Fox News and the story she told was different.  In the new version Tarnopolski had prevented Samantha from leaving while they were having sex and had pulled her leg when she stood up.  Samantha implied rape this time instead of consensual sex between a minor and a fledgling adult man.  It seems logical that June didn't like what the police were concluding: that her daughter had wanted and initiated sex with this boy and that she was using them in place of Samantha's missing father to punish Tarnopolski.  More drama was needed to firmly convince everyone of the victimization that had occurred.  Unfortunately for Samantha, the Fox News report named Justice, Tarnopolski, and Samantha's high school in the interview.  From there everything went down in the halls of Huron High.  Samantha was bullied, branded a liar, and made to feel unsafe.  She killed herself this week.  Without a witness to the crime or any incriminating evidence, all charges were dropped against Joseph Tarnopolski.



The second case involves another 14 year old girl having consensual sex, this time with a much older man.  Taylor M. of Harrison had a year-long affair (beginning at age 14) with Raymond Bush who was 20 years her senior.  It was apparently serious - Bush had Taylor's name tattooed on his back - until her mother discovered what was going on and involved the police.  Again Third Degree Criminal Sexual Conduct charges were brought, and Taylor was sent to live with her father.  Bush was told to make no contact, but he repeatedly tried to communicate with her on the days leading up to the court hearing in which she was scheduled to testify against him.  The day of the hearing Bush abducted and killed Taylor, then killed himself.

What do these cases have in common?  Young girls from broken families, insufficiently supervised and wanting to be sexually active.  Also mothers who used the police as backup to help contain their daughters' sexual exploration and punish the men who had sex with their daughters.  And long prison sentences forecast for two men.

Frankly, fourteen is too young for girls to be sexually active.  There is too much at stake physically, emotionally, and psychologically.  But it is unbelievably hypocritical to punish men who sleep with 14-year-old girls who initiate consensual sex with long prison sentences when at the same time our government and schools push for birth control and access to abortion for these same girls without the consent or knowledge of their parents.  Let's pick one.  Either these girls are girls still and should not be having sex and should also have consequences for engaging in illegal sexual conduct or they are women who can choose to have sex with whomever they like regardless of the age of their lovers.

And here's a little more brutal honesty: Samantha at least was doomed to be precociously sexual the moment the hospital nurse tagged her baby wrist with her mother's name.  According to news reports, June has four children.  Those children have three different last names.  June was willing to put her daughter's sexual experiences on Fox News to get her revenge and her time in the victim spotlight.  June has obviously made any number of bad choices and, from the looks of it, Samantha was on schedule to follow in her footsteps.  Her death is sad, but her life was undoubtedly going to be sad too.  Taylor's mother didn't know her daughter was having an affair with a 35-year-old man for an entire year.  Obviously she wasn't totally plugged in to all the critical details of her daughter's personal development.

I completely support a mother's desire to delay her daughter's sexual activity well into adulthood and marriage.  I also would be angry to find out she was involved with either of the aforementioned men.  I would actively work to cease contact and step up supervision of my daughter - because she is my investment and concern.  As long as she continues to seek out sex and have the opportunity, she will get it, especially given the number of people out there working to undermine parents' control of their children's sexual exploration.  Does it really matter whether the man she has sex with is 15, 18, or 35?  With any of them she can become pregnant, contract a disease, or grow debauched/jaded.  It's all bad.

Finally, the steep prison sentence for Third Degree Criminal Sexual Conduct has to be considered a factor in the above tragic outcomes.  Would Raymond Bush have abducted and murdered the girl he thought he loved if he hadn't been looking at 15 years in prison?  Would the kids at Huron High School dropped the matter if Joseph Tarnopolski hadn't been about to lose any chance at a good life?  Even if the second version of events Samantha Kelly told was correct, the punishment on the slate for Tarnopolski did not fit the crime.  People who are threatened with the complete ruination of their future often get a little twitchy.  They make impulsive decisions.  Perhaps they let their friends try to even the score.  All actions have consequences.  None of us operate in a vacuum.  The laws for Criminal Sexual Conduct need to be reworked if we as a society plan to continue encouraging young girls to explore their sexuality.  If we don't want girls to be sexual at a young age, we need to stop sexualizing them early and give them consequences too if they participate willingly in illegal sexual conduct.

Addendum 11/15/10:  Read my follow up thoughts here.