Showing posts with label Bad Role-Modeling. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Bad Role-Modeling. Show all posts

Monday, August 2, 2010

Piece of Advice #61: Do NOT embrace your inner slut

Jaclyn Friedman just posted a piece at feministe.com entitled, "My Sluthood, Myself" revealing in detail how she healed herself from her last bad breakup by having sex with 9 different men she picked up through Craigslist Casual Encounters.  Her argument is that she needed sex and affection, but she kept trying to get it through relationships that she entered into because she so desperately needed sex and affection.  In bypassing any attempt to find meaning or closeness in sex, she was able to get what she wanted and journey to a better mental place where she needed a relationship less and was therefore more able to seek out a more positive one.

The high points:

1) She knew what she was doing was physically dangerous and did it anyway.
I’m telling you this because sluthood is scary. Because we’ve been taught to fear it all our lives, and that training doesn’t just go away because we understand the agenda behind it. And because there are real risks involved. Society likes to punish slutty women. And so do a lot of individual men, some of whom frequent Craigslist Casual Encounters.
But had she been beaten or raped, no doubt she would have blamed the "rape culture."  Because Jaclyn is a firm believer in this rape culture and is never a victim blamer.  Even when there is no victim, such as when positing a hypothetical situation during a CNN interview.  There still might have been a victim because people place themselves in dangerous situations, but they are never at fault, even at a theoretical level.  Because people - women specifically, in her worldview - have to be free to make the stupidest decisions ever and be protected from any bad outcome.  Friedman's motto appears to be: "Creating the feminist utopia of tomorrow with every avoidable rape and assault today."

2) She wants other women to feel as free to be a slut as she does.
It’s a choice we should all have access to because it has the potential to be liberating. Healing. Soul-fulfilling. I’m telling you this because sluthood saved me, in a small but life-altering way, and I want it to be available to you if you ever think it could save you, too. 
3) She wants you to offer emotional/verbal/physical/legal/whatever backup for other self-actualizing sluts:
I’m telling you this because sluthood requires support. Because any woman who indulges these urges carries with her a lifetime of censure and threat. That’s a loud chorus to overcome. A slut needs a posse who finds her exploits almost as delicious as she finds them herself, who cares about her safety and her stories and her happiness but not one whit about her virtue. A slut alone is a slut in difficulty, possibly in danger. 
One can not help wondering, given #2 and #3 above and the overwhelming number of positive comments this piece generated, whether feminists are now operating on the idea that if we are all of us sluts, we are none of us sluts.  If there's nothing in the cupboard to eat but oatmeal, we'll all happily eat oatmeal.  And without sugar or even milk.

There are so many things I disagree with in Jaclyn Friedman's message here, but even if you don't, take this away: if this is what the dating pool now looks like, think of the market value a slim, chaste, not certifiably insane young woman has by her sheer scarcity.   Supply.  Demand.