I was hoping you could post something on dealing with jealousy, specifically jealousy toward more attractive girls and how to deal with it. I have a HUGE problem with jealousy. :(Two thoughts on jealousy:
- Jealousy is a matter of comparison. We, all of us, have any number of attributes - looks, brains, wealth, talent, status, charisma. Most people aren't standouts in any one area; they tend toward the average. But even the standouts, the beauties, the geniuses, the star athletes, most excel in one area and are less stellar in other ways. So first, there are any number of things you can compare yourself to with others. Secondly, you can compare yourself to people who are better than you in these categories, people who are roughly as the same, or people who are worse. This is a choice. If you are constantly comparing yourself to people who are better looking than you are and have more success with men, you will always be unhappy. There will always be people who are smarter, more beautiful, more charming, what have you. Always. But there are probably people who are dumber, uglier, poorer, or meaner as well. Comparing yourself to them won't be so depressing. From your comment, I would guess you have people in your life who you think have it better and are pretty regularly comparing yourself to them. A mental exercise I would suggest you practice would be to focus instead on someone you can point to in your life as less advantaged than you every time those jealous thoughts arise. Really work on it. Also make it a habit to count your blessings. When you are around people who provoke jealous thoughts, shift your thoughts back gratitude for what you have instead. I realize this is hard. I have had times in my life where have struggled with the green jealousy monster with varying degrees of success. The worst for me was when I was going through infertility. Suddenly it seemed everyone I knew was pregnant or had adorable little babies or toddlers. They would say things like, "I swear, he just looks at me and I'm pregnant again." And I would see red. Or green, if you will. It was a very unhappy time for me, and it wasn't the fault of all the pregnant women and new parents. It was because I couldn't - absolutely could not for a time - get beyond the unfairness of life. Which brings us to the next point:
- Jealousy harms you and only you. By letting it conquer you, you make yourself - and no one else - unhappy. Those golden people who sweep through life, coasting on their fabulousness? They're still going to be golden and fabulous. But you will be miserable and angry. And nothing will have changed. Jealousy relies on comparison and you will always have something else about yourself or your life to compare. If I could hit you with the pretty wand and make you as beautiful as you want to be, jealousy could still suck you in because there will be girls who would be more charming, more flirtatious, wealthier, more stylish - whatever. If you learn to develop a sense of peace and gratitude for who you are intrinsically, jealousy will not be able to bring you down. You will have mastered it.