People hold dear the idea that love is about finding your soulmate and that those brave enough and with good hearts and intentions cannot help but find him or her in the dark miasma of the dating world. This is a lovely thought, but it's bunk. There is not a lid for every pot, no matter what your grandmother told you. Some pots have no lids. Some pots throw away perfectly good lids in search for the best, most smoking hot lid possible. Some pots stay on the burner so long that their contents boil out and they crack. If you approach looking for love in a more practical way, you may, however, find more success.
The fact is that while there may not be a lid for every pot, there are quite a few lids out there, enough for most pots if they are not overly picky or completely full of themselves. It is essential then, that you do that very hard exercise of evaluating yourself as objectively as possible to see what you bring to the table.
One of the things women prefer not to think about is how visually motivated men are - meaning if they like what they see, they'll pursue it. If not, they move on. A woman can have a host of fantastic internal attributes and external accomplishments, and she's still subject to the "Hot or Not" rule. It ain't fair. And for those woman who are smarter than they are pretty, it really burns. But it is what it is, so evaluate what you've got physically and see what you have to work with. Be honest. Be brutally honest. The more honest you are, the more you sooner you can get working on your trouble spots. While it's true that most of us get the faces we are born with, we do have control over our weight, the way we dress, and how put together we are generally.
Last night I wasted a good hour and a half watching Battle of the Bods on Hulu.com. If you haven't seen it, the premise is that five women present themselves very scantily dressed to be ranked by a panel of three men. There are three rankings: face, one body part (selected by the women as a group), and whole package. The women have to guess how the men will rank them. If their rankings match the men's rankings, they win money. So there are battling incentives here for each woman: the need to be perceived as the hottest/most beautiful and the need to go home with some cash. And because the money is won as a group and distributed evenly among the women, they need to nail down who is hot and who is not quickly and ruthlessly. There isn't time for diplomacy.
Here is one of the episodes I watched last night:
- None of these woman are beautiful. Only one is really "hot" and she has a hard face with a masculine aspect and a stripper's mannerisms.
- The four average or just above average women are all hanging on by their fingertips to the idea that they are beautiful. And not just beautiful, but more beautiful than the rest.
- One wonders, if you took away everything that is fake about all the women's appearances - boobs, makeup, hair color, tanning, etc. - and then re-ranked them, would anything change?
- Some of them are not only not beautiful, but pretty bitchy as well.
- The men evaluating them are completely comfortable with this process and don't hesitate to knock the less attractive women down to the bottom of the heap.