Saturday, March 20, 2010

Piece of Advice #6: Encourage your children's relationship with their father

My son, a kindergartner, wrote this note today for his dad who had a tough week at work.

It's important that children, boys and girls, get to know their fathers, spend time with their fathers, and develop an appreciation of what fathers do for them in terms of providing stability, security, role modeling, and their personal talents, gifts, and abilities.

If you do anything to stand in the way of this relationship developing and maintaining itself, you are not acting in the best interests of your child.  It is, of course, a given that your children's father is not a criminal, an addict, abusive, or otherwise dangerous (and by "dangerous" I do not mean "interferes with your own agenda or causes you inconvenience" if the two of you are no longer together).  It is your job as a mother to not choose a man like this to impregnate you in the first place.  If you have, it is now your duty to work as hard as you can to find a decent, reliable replacement male role model for your children in a grandfather, uncle, brother or friend (and by "friend" I do not mean "lover, live-in, or boyfriend").  Having a mother is not enough.  Having a name on a birth certificate is not enough.  As long as the father has interest in his kids, work, work, work to facilitate their relationship.  Your children will need those ties as a security net and bulwark in the future as our lives become increasingly less secure.  Having concerned family on your side is the best backup anyone can have.


  1. Probably the biggest reason I don't think too highly of women is my domineering, religious-nut mother, who treated my high IQ, beta father like the enemy in the house.

  2. Out of curiosity why do you always address him as "my" son and not "our" son? Was he just adopted by you? Not my intention to offend (its hard to be subtle on pritn), but just curious.

    @Prime, that is terrible. I don't understand why a woman would not cherish a smart beta. A man with good values and intelligence is somethng very special in this day and age.

  3. Dream Puppy - I think because I never use the "We" pronoun as the subject of the sentence on this blog - it's always I or you or a third person. It's a grammar consistency thing rather than a statement about ownership.

    1. I know that this is 3 and a half years ago, but really: We all know that when the child does something good, its' "my" son, and when he does something bad it's "your" son.

  4. Thumbs up!

    My husband is an amazing father and stepfather, and the kids and I are all very, very lucky to have him. He doesn't do everything the same way I do, and he doesn't always have the same priorities as I do about the kids. So what? he's their dad, and he loves them, and they love him, and he's very involved in their lives...and *that's* what counts.

  5. Here is the KEY sentnece:

    " It is your job as a mother to not choose a man like this to impregnate you in the first place."

    So many times women complain about their thug boyfriend or husband who bests them up, or he's a drug addict, or a thief, or whatever. Well, guess who spread their legs for him because it made you wet? Do NOT spread your legs for the criminal type guy. That can only lead to a life of misery and destruction.